Studying was a distraction.
Studying was a distraction from the problems I had in my life. What seems to be normal problems in everyone’s life, somewhat , was amplified in mine.
When I was studying, I had nothing to worry, I had nothing to fear. When I was studying, my mind was filled with formulas, desperately trying to crack that question which was printed on my paper. My mind was possessed by Ritalin, focused to ensure that my revision was complete.
Speaking of complete, it seems that the three months of studying for the ‘O’ levels had instilled a complete life cycle for me. It was a cycle , wake up in the morning, go to school , go to tuition, don’t forget to eat, and then go back home and sleep.
My life, as you can see, was complete.
But after my ‘O’s , I realized I had a lot of loose ends to clean up, the sudden rush of deadlines and broken promises seem to overwhelm the joy and escalation I had from the knowledge that ‘O’ levels were over. It was a like man, released from prison, but after taking a breath of fresh air, he is confused by the freedom he has not experienced. He is confused because he is not being commanded.Same here.
Maybe that’s why sometimes I need to sit down and take time off for myself. As I said in a previously written post, I am lost. Till this very day and moment, I still am.
It is strange that freedom, being one of the most desired things in the world, is also a privilege that could become a nightmare.
After all, be careful what you wish for.