Some people ask me, “Why don’t go to Junior College? You did quite well!”
Well I would if I could, but I can’t.
Firstly, my L1R5 was 13 points, I couldn’t get to Meridian Junior College or any of my other colleges of choice.
Secondly, I had enough of the stress. I’m not saying that polytechnic is completely stress free, but heck, I couldn’t squeeze 8 advance subject within 2 years without me suffering adverse health effects.
Yes, my ‘O’ levels day were full of Ritalin popping and late nights, something that I could not handle, but it seems easy to do so when the need is fueled by fear of failure. If I go to a junior college, what seemed to be a once-in-life time horrible experience will become an everyday occurrence, something that displeases me when I think about it.
Plus, my liver cannot stand the ‘abuse’ of Ritalin it had endure over the 6 months of ‘O’ level preparation, neither can I stand the test of my mental capabilities by the ever grueling ‘A’ levels.
I had to concede defeat, and thus, an option to go down the tough life of an ‘A’ level student disappeared from my radar of post-secondary choices.
To me, ‘A’ level people are the people who had control of their lives. Their ability to focus on a task is impeccable, and is something that I can never achieve .
Never was I ever more disappointed by my ability rather than my results. My ability to focus without a need of a drug, the ability to perform optimally for long periods of time without stressing myself. All of these, the most essential tool in a junior college life, didn’t seem to exist in my life.
If you are confused by this post, I’m not surprised, because somehow, despite me achieving my goals, I am still lost. I have no sense of my life’s direction.
For the first time in my life, I have no fear, have no desire, have no objectives, have no pressure on me. My life is empty. I have seem to transit to an ‘auto pilot’ mode. I wake up everyday, go to work, go home and it suddenly becomes a cycle. Variety seemed to have disappeared from my life.
If you are confused by this post, I am not surprised, because simply, the writer himself is confused